Rarely does any disturbing news reach my sensitive self at Happy Meadows lock-up, but when unpleasant reports do, at long last, breach the walls of this rehab’s inner sanctum, one would have to be lying prostrate and snoring over a 12-Step Guide, not to be distressed.
So what kind of disclosure, dear readers, could possibly cause me to reel in horror during my afternoon pedicure session, resulting in an annoying smudge?
It is the news that more and more seniors are being forced to RUN in sporting events.
No matter that these runs are of varying lengths, from so-called ‘fun-runs’ of 5 kilometers, to full marathons of 42.195 torturous kilometers.
These sports activities are profoundly INHUMANE at any time of life, let alone in one’s twilight years. But yet, many elderly people are being cajoled into participating in major events, and nowadays, even have their own category, such as the 90-plus age bracket, in order to make the run appear ‘fairer’.
Dear readers, nothing is fair about encouraging a gaunt granny and granddad to disconnect from their portable oxygen tanks, and stagger breathlessly around the neighborhood.
The audacity of sporty types! Indeed, one need not be a rocket scientist to understand the games played by sports companies, sports organizers and the media. Yes, one is easily duped, especially if one sadly (and mistakenly) calls puffing and panting around the block a ‘training session’ and the fastest time it takes one to reach heart attack level, a ‘personal best’.
WARNING: Do be on your guard if the offspring are urging you to compete in runs of any length, under the guise of the sport being “good for your health”. It isn’t. Rather, it is good for their wealth, especially if you happen to drop dead from exhaustion along the route.
Yes, many a FUN-run has ended in a FUN-eral….
To follow, then, is my advice for counteracting such dangerous sporting events in old age (or in any age):
a) avoid any activities that contain the words ‘miles’ or ‘kilometers’.
b) avoid any activities that contain the word ‘fun’.
c) avoid any activities that contain the word ‘sports’
On the other hand, when it comes to rigorous training sessions at our local pub, Helmut’s personal best for the 20-meter dash to the Gents, is set at just under 5.2 seconds. Funnily enough, his PB for running back to the bar, is set at an even faster 4.3 seconds