Hewdge is the first blogsite to publish David Beckham’s tribute letter to the recently deceased “King of Pop”, Michael Jackson. The two international celebrities were friends for many years and often exchanged tips on child-rearing methods.

Dear Michael

I jus’ wanna say, on be’arf of me famlee, Victoria, Brooklyn, Romeo and me youngest boy, Cruz, that we are very sad about what ‘appened to you. You was an amazing bloke and we got all your CDs.

D’you know sumfink Michael? – me and Victoria used to ‘get it togevva’ at me mum’s ‘ouse wiv the ‘elp of your old ‘FRILLER’ video! I fink all them zombies is what influenced me wife later when she was wiv them Spice Girls.

Michael, me ‘eart is wiv your famlee, specially them free children. Victoria says not to worry cos she ‘as designed a new ‘ead covering wiv ‘er company logo for them poor farva-less kiddies.

Love,

David

I Want You Back!

Michael, to me, your History

Reads like a Thriller

You were gifted, black but hardly poor

But Daddy Jackson wanted more and

Made you perform til there was Blood On The dance Floor

It’s sad when you have no friends and

Dedicate a song to a rat named Ben

Do You Remember The Time

When you were the Man In The Mirror?

And not some Black Or White surgeon’s dream

Trying to look like Billie Jean

They said we Don’t Stop Til We Get Enough

And they cut off your nose, despite your screams

And flung it In The Closet

You were so cute when you were black

and I Was Born To Love You

But now, I Want You Back!

What next Michael  – Lisa Marie?

Marriage, as easy as ABC?

Divorce as easy as 123

Then came Prince Michael and Paris with Debbie Rowe

But Blanket’s mommie – Who Is It ?– do YOU even know?

It was BAD to dangle baby Prince over the balcony

To risk him tumbling over

And give ‘Jesus Juice’ to all those boys

Pretending it was Cola???????!!!!!!

Your reputation’s On The Line

And We Are The World watching at your trial

The Way You Make Me Feel is

That my Smooth Criminal can Beat It

And Never- Never land in jail

Michael, you’re Invincible!!!!

But please Don’t Walk Away

Together we can Heal The World

If only you would stay

Now that you’re a free man Michael

Listen to my plea

There’s no Dirty Diana in the way

So please, Give In To Me

You were so cute when you were black

and I Was Born To Love You

But now, I Want You Back!

I Remember the Time but mostly the tune

Can I Keep The Faith if you’re Gone Too Soon?

Michael, you sang a song for me

Moonwalking with a memory

Of when you were young and proud and black

And I was born to love you

But now I need you back

Hewdge invited internationally renowned footballer, fashion icon and father of three, David Beckham, to report from his temporary home in Milan, Italy. His wife, Victoria, lives in LA with their children Continue reading →

Following our Gift Box theme (see Surviving Beirut below), Hewdge has compiled a list of must-have contents for the perfect Amsterdam Gift Box experience

Surviving Amsterdam – List of Contents:

Bottles Heineken Beer – helps provide drinker with:
Courage (Dutch)
Ashtray (when empty)
Enlarged Liver (when older)

Douwe Egberts Extra-Strong Coffee – to be consumed before and after:
Rembrandt ‘Night-Watch’ Tours
Best Coffee Shops of Amsterdam Smoking Tours
Pick-Pocket ID Parades

English-Dutch CD Rom – to help listener learn useful words and
phrases, such as:
“Whoa!! Let me get this straight – I have to buy my bike back from the same junkie who stole it?!”

Droste Chocolates – helps relieve the inconvenience caused by:
Midnight Marijuana ‘Munchies’
Schiphol Airport Layovers
Heroin Addiction

Waterproof Hooded Poncho – helps protect the wearer from:
Gay Fashion-Police
Stubborn Droste Chocolate Stains
Acid Rain

Phillips Twin Ear & Nose-Plug Gift Set – helps pedestrians cope with:
Organ Grinders’ ‘tunes’
Central Station Hustlers
Public Urinal Byproducts

Tri-Coloured Condom Set – helps protect wearer from:
Women in Windows
Dodgy Men You Meet In Bars
Nasty Things You Can’t Spell

Heavy Duty Bicycle Pump – helps cyclists:
Cycle Home In Pouring Rain
Add Extra Weight To Already Heavy Rucksack
Amuse Passing Motorists

Pocket Poop Scoop – helps dog owners avoid:
Government Fines
Pick-Pockets
Warm, Lingering Handshakes

Delfts Blauw Souvenir Ceramic Clogs – helps provide tourists with:
Flimsy Excuse To Shop In Red Light District
Gifts For Least Favourite Relatives
Something Breakable For Journey Home

Amsterdam Street Map – helps tourists:
Find Red Light District
Avoid Red Light District
Get Mugged

Bruno Unleashed In Amsterdam

Sacha Baron Cohen brought Bruno to Amsterdam on Friday.

He transformed the city’s red light district into a pink light district as part of promotional activities for the Dutch premiere of the movie. He arrived on a jetski in a cropped suit with his red thong showing, climbed to shore and posed with nearly-nude male models.

Via Huffington Post

I grew up without a father, which was okay except that my brothers and I didn’t have a male role model. Some really good fathers like David Beckham get a lot of presents on Father’s Day or “Farva’s Diye” as he’s been known to call it.

Another really good dad and male role model is Stephen Colbert, who had this to say about children:

“They may be cute, but they are here to replace us. Need proof? Ever catch one walking around in your shoes? That’s a chilling moment, like finding an empty body-snatcher pod in your basement.” -

Stephen Colbert, 2009

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi greets Libyan leader Muammar Ghaddafi, who is accompanied by one of his 40 all-female body-guard squad.

A LIFE IN 6 WORDS

via BBC Radio 4

In the 1920s, Ernest Hemingway bet ten dollars that he could write a complete story in just six words.

He wrote: “For Sale: baby shoes, never worn” He won the bet.

Below, a selection of memoirs – send in your own in the Comment Box

YOUR SIX WORD MEMOIRS

Three sons, eleven cats, and Yvonne.
Michael Govan

Foetus, son, brother, husband, father, vegetable.
Dick Hadfield

Conceived,implored, employed, adored, retired, ignored.
Joy MacKenzie

Beginning, gurgly. Middle, sombre. End, gurgly.
Roger Noble

Jennie, Emma, Jane, Sophie, Rose, happiness.
Peter Graham

Slow lane. Fast lane. Hard shoulder.
Alex Hansen Today.

Bantam, Anglia, Midget, Alfa, Volvo Estate.
Neil Feldman.

PM. The World Tonight. Sleep?
Stephen Brady

Womb, Play, Learn, Work, Decline, Tomb.
Jacquie Smith

Start – programme – error – control – alt. – delete.
Alan

Outside lavatory, worked hard, now flush.
Ashley Errington

Battered ball-bearing traversing pinball machine.
Nancy Connolly

Unravelled career reknitted as baby blankets.
Clare Hobba

Started, farted, stood up, faced the wind.-
Helen Eclair

Dot, two, six, three, one, wicket.
Tony Powell

Head in books, feet in flowers.
Heather Thomson Continue reading →