Hewdge

Following our Gift Box theme (see Surviving Beirut below), Hewdge has compiled a list of must-have contents for the perfect Amsterdam Gift Box experience

Surviving Amsterdam – List of Contents:

Bottles Heineken Beer – helps provide drinker with:
Courage (Dutch)
Ashtray (when empty)
Enlarged Liver (when older)

Douwe Egberts Extra-Strong Coffee – to be consumed before and after:
Rembrandt ‘Night-Watch’ Tours
Best Coffee Shops of Amsterdam Smoking Tours
Pick-Pocket ID Parades

English-Dutch CD Rom – to help listener learn useful words and
phrases, such as:
“Whoa!! Let me get this straight – I have to buy my bike back from the same junkie who stole it?!”

Droste Chocolates – helps relieve the inconvenience caused by:
Midnight Marijuana ‘Munchies’
Schiphol Airport Layovers
Heroin Addiction

Waterproof Hooded Poncho – helps protect the wearer from:
Gay Fashion-Police
Stubborn Droste Chocolate Stains
Acid Rain

Phillips Twin Ear & Nose-Plug Gift Set – helps pedestrians cope with:
Organ Grinders’ ‘tunes’
Central Station Hustlers
Public Urinal Byproducts

Tri-Coloured Condom Set – helps protect wearer from:
Women in Windows
Dodgy Men You Meet In Bars
Nasty Things You Can’t Spell

Heavy Duty Bicycle Pump – helps cyclists:
Cycle Home In Pouring Rain
Add Extra Weight To Already Heavy Rucksack
Amuse Passing Motorists

Pocket Poop Scoop – helps dog owners avoid:
Government Fines
Pick-Pockets
Warm, Lingering Handshakes

Delfts Blauw Souvenir Ceramic Clogs – helps provide tourists with:
Flimsy Excuse To Shop In Red Light District
Gifts For Least Favourite Relatives
Something Breakable For Journey Home

Amsterdam Street Map – helps tourists:
Find Red Light District
Avoid Red Light District
Get Mugged