Hewdge

Another surprise article on Hewdge, and this time the spotlight is on the first lady of Japan. Prime Minister’s wife, Mrs Miyuki Hatoyama, claims in her latest book that, among other things, she has visited Venus in a UFO and that she has met diminutive ‘Mission Impossible’ star Tom Cruise in a previous life.  Read her story:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/6129871/Japans-new-first-lady-flew-to-Venus-with-UFO.html

As media outlets around the world focus on this striking revelation from such a prominent member of Japanese society, couch-crushing Cruise, responds in an open letter to Hewdge:

Firstly, and for the record, I would like to tell Hewdge readers, that the wild rumours swirling around Hollywood, that I’m gay, are NOT TRUE.

Secondly, concerning the last article posted on Hewdge, it seems that the first lady of Japan, Mrs Miyuki Hatoyama, is claiming that we met for the first time in a previous life, where I was a Japanese. That is ridiculous and dangerous bullshit! I have never been a Japanese!

Could it be that Mrs Hatoyama is getting me just a little mixed up with my movie role where I played an honorary Samurai? (note to self: “Damn, I was good in that part!”)

Personally, I think the dear first lady is on prescription drugs such as tranquilizers or worse, anti-depressants, which would explain her ramblings. This is disgusting! Medication is the devil’s own spawn and her resorting to props is obviously a desperate and irrational cry for help.

Regarding her UFO experiences, well all I can say is: when can she start her Dianetics training? The Church of Scientology needs rich abductees like Mrs Hatoyama, and with the help of a substantial donation from her husband, we can get her up to level 3 in no time at all…

By the way, did I mention I’m not gay?

Nanu Nanu!

Tom Cruise