Hewdge

Sir Elton John, short, flamboyant superstar and devoted husband to Canadian film maker David Furnish, is disappointed that his initial bid to adopt a Ukrainian infant has been rejected. Click here to read the full story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/14/elton-john-deemed-too-old_n_285667.html
Hewdge has taken this opportunity to publish three letters to Elton (from Tom Cruise, Madame Gris-Gris – Medium to the stars, and Octomom), highlighting the quagmire that is celebrity adoption.

Dear Elton
Regarding your attempt to adopt a Ukrainian infant, I have to agree with the minister for Family, Youth and Sports, Mr Yuriy Pavlenko, who thinks you’re too old and too gay.
Elton, have you thought about how that poor little Ukrainian infant will turn out, with you and your ‘same-sex partner’, mincing round that huge mansion, being fed Advil every time a tooth comes through? Pain-killers are of course, DISGUSTING! We Scientologists have to ask: How can you and your gay lover be positive role models to that innocent child, if you insist on giving him over-the-counter medication?

Yours,
Tom Cruise

Mon Cher Elton
During my last séance with Michael, he instructed me to contact you toute suite. ’Call my little fag friend Elton,’ he wailed, ‘and tell him if he really wants a child, to get  together with Debbie Rowe…she is free at last, free at last!’
Strange, haunting words, Elton, but who are we to understand those who have passed on to the spirit world?
By the way, I take private bookings and will be in the UK from September to November.

A Bientot,
Madame Gris-gris

Dear Sir Elton
We’ve never met, but I have been a fan of yours since I was little. Now I have kids of my own – 14 in fact, and I’m looking for a good home for some of the latest batch. I think you and your partner David would make ideal parents. Can you take 5 or 6? This would help pay for liposuction on my upper thighs

Hoping to hear from you,
Octomom

PS: I only use one name for those kids, because they all look alike