Shortly after Hewdge decided to publish the crop circle story (see full story below), we received an open letter from the British Ministry of Defence addressed to the lowly Police Officer who happened upon a group of tall ‘blond aliens’ in the wilds of Wiltshire. Because he was off duty at the time of the ‘sightings’, Sergeant Dixon’s story has, undeservedly, not been taken seriously by local and international media. Is the MOD trying to ‘fob him orf’? You be the judge. GG Qlarq

Dixon, my good man, appears you saw a ‘bit of action’ the other day at the local crop circle, eh what?

Listen here, old chap….absolutely nothing to worry about. Encounter, not cricket obviously, but not in the least bit suspicious – in fact, if anything, a blasted nuisance and a bit of a bore.

Naturally, no aliens involved.  Lot of stuff and nonsense! Ha! Guffawing out loud at the very idea!

To follow, possible explanations for wobbly upper lip:

• Yellow Hot Air Balloons (always sending them up – blighters always coming back down)

• Abba Tribute Band (one playing in local village – awful racket)

• Farmers’ prank (damned jokers, when they’re not shooting themselves, that is!)

• Cows (damned silly creatures – neurotic around electric fences)

• Kids (upstarts in general)

• Americans (rather tall on the whole)

Suggest a jolly good drink/walk with the wife to let the dust settle, then back to work it is, my good fellow, protecting our glorious countryside against dirty rotten vandals, who seek to undermine our British way of life, eh what?

Yours,

Major Charles Pickett-Humes
Ministry of Defence (Public Relations Dept.)