Responding to the news that Colonel Moammar Gaddafi uses body doubles to help confuse his enemies, roving reporter, Helga Hewston, manages to track down one of the Colonel’s so-called ‘Moammar’s Boys’ in Libya. In this first interview, conducted in a fast-moving military jeep, Helga talks to Gaddafi look-alike, British national, Jihad Nihad of Peckham, south London.
Helga: Mr Nihad, how long have you worked as one of the colonel’s body doubles?
Jihad: oh, let’s see…about 6 weeks now…Oh, shit..luv…hold on….have to address my fans..
“ONLY THOSE WHO ARE TRULY INSANE CANNOT LOVE ME, OH MY FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS!!”
By the way, call me Moammar or Colonel Gaddafi while I’m on duty, OK?
Helga: yeah, whatever….so tell me Jihad, what were you doing in Peckham before you came here to pose as Gaddafi?
Jihad: I was the chief hair stylist at the Peckham Health & Beauty Spa…wait one sec…have to really shout this out…
“YES, MY PEOPLE, WE WILL FILL THE STREETS WITH THE BLOOD OF THE BETRAYERS!!!!!”
Er…so what was I saying, luvvie?
Helga: Don’t call me ‘luvvie’. Does working as the Colonel’s body-double pay well?
Jihad: yep. Did you see that faaabulous picture of me on the cover of the Guardian?
So..anyway……where is the REAL Gaddafi at this moment?
Jihad: Oh, you’re good, Helga, you’re very good…
Helga: Well….? Where is he???
Jihad: Let’s just say that right now, my clients back at the Peckham Spa are complaining about what a BITCH I’ve become…
Helga: you mean……? Gaddafi..?….in Peckham….???
Jihad: think I’ve said enough luvvie….Moammar’s the word!! ooh, look!!..great hordes of fans coming my way…where’s that bloody megaphone..?
“LIFE WITHOUT DIGNITY IS WORTHLESS – DEATH TO THE TRAITORS!!!”