Hewdge » America

Porn, PETA Or Parenting? Octomom Decides

helga — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 09:15:50 +0000

Nadya Suleman, the fertile and fast-talking Octomom, has been busy. Last month, she appeared on TV show, The View, where she revealed that she might even want another baby, “someday far, far, far, far in the future … if I meet somebody.”

She has also been having trouble raising the $450,000 needed to pay off her mortgage. What’s a gal to do? Enter Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment, one of the world’s largest purveyors of adult films, who announced last week that his company would pay off Nadya’s mortgage if she would make a porn film.

At the same time, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has approached her with a slightly more modest offer – $5,000 to put a sign in her front yard proclaiming, “Don’t Let Your Dog or Cat Become an Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter.”

As an added incentive, the animal rights organization said it would throw in a month’s supply of veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs for the fecund female and her 14 children, who range in age from 1 to 8.

Read the full story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100325/ap_on_bi_ge/us_octuplets

Helga Hewston, roving reporter for Hewdge, caught up with Nadya Suleman at her home in California, where she agreed to an in-depth interview

Helga: Nadya, how did you first hear about PETA’s spaying and neutering campaign?

Nadya: Ok, well, one of my vol… …oh ferchrissakes, hang on….one of the kids is escaping….oh yep, number twelve…Get the f*** back here, ya little brat!! As I was saying, one of my volunteers told me about PETA.

Helga: Go on…

Nadya: Yeah, right now, I have lots of offers coming my way…Hey you! Kid! Get back here! Whatever the hell your number is!! As well as PETA, I’ve had another offer to star in an adult movie. Cool huh? Did you see me on The View last month?

Helga: No. Were you ever an animal rights activist?

Nadya: Ha! Take a look around honey…this place is a ZOO!

Helga: Don’t call me honey. So what will you do with your fees from PETA?

Nadya: You know….it’s a question that gives me sleepless nights. Should I have the full tummy tuck or should I just work on the boobs? It’s a BIG decision…if you know what I mean… Oh shit!…hang on…..OH NO!!!!!!

Helga: ….hmm…don’t tell me….another one of your 14 kids trying to escape?

Nadya: Hell no!…MUCH worse – a volunteer trying to escape!

Helga: Nadya, you never disappoint. Go for the spaying dear…er…the campaign I mean…

David Beckham “Pissed Off” At Dad Who Spoke Only Klingon To Baby Son

helga — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:46:42 +0000

Our regular contributor, David Beckham, media darling, devoted ‘usband an’ farva of free’, reacts harshly this week to a recent article found on the American blog-site, the Huffington Post.

The disturbing but true story, tells of a linguist father, d’Armond Speers, who spoke to his baby son only in Klingon (’tlhIngan Hol‘ in Klingon) for the first three years of his son’s life, as a kind of linguistic experiment.

Star-Trek fans or ‘Trekkies’ will know that ‘Klingonese’ is a language spoken by the warrior race of alien beings (and on-off enemy of the Starship Federation) called the Klingons. Even though their language is an invention of Star Trek writers, it has inspired a serious world-wide cult following, as well as its own syntax and grammar rules.

Read the full HuffPo story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/19/darmond-speers-dad-spoke_n_363477.html

‘Allo ‘Ewdge Readers

I gotta tell you, me an’ me wife Victoria were well pissed off wen we ‘eard about this geezer wot ownlee spoke to ‘is kid in Klingon

Fer gawd’s sake, wot kind of poncy farva tawks to ‘is kiddie in sum poxy alien Star Trek language, wot ain’t real?

That is child abuse fer starters, innit?

An wot about the farva’s name? ‘d’Amond’ sumfink or ovva….’Ow pree-ten-shus!

Wun fing I will say is that my boys Brooklyn, Romeo an’ baby Cruz, ‘ave a muvva an’ farva wot luvs ‘em te deaf, an’ ‘oo ain’t afraid te tawk te them kiddies in proppa English.

Wun day them boys are gonna fank us for ‘ow they was brung up

Berlusconi Refers To Obama’s Tan – Again!

helga — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:26:40 +0000

Obama’s wife Michelle also called ‘tanned’ by Berlusconi in latest gaffe at rally of conservative supporters

www.guardian.co.uk

Barack Obama with his wife, Michelle, as they greet Silvio Berlusconi at the G20 dinner in Pittsburgh last week. Photograph: Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

The Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi, has repeated his reference to Barack Obama’s “tan” – and this time made a wisecrack about Michelle Obama’s skin colour, too.

Berlusconi told a Milan rally of conservative supporters yesterday that he was bringing greetings from the United States from “What’s his name? Some tanned guy. Ah, Barack Obama!”

He added: “You won’t believe it, but two of them went to the beach, because the wife is also tanned.”

Last week photographs showed Michelle Obama greeting many leaders at the G20 summit in Pittsburgh summit with a kiss but stiffly holding out her arm for a handshake when she came to greet Berlusconi.

Pictures show Berlusconi gazing at Mrs Obama’s gown, instead of her face, and holding his arms out as if in delight at what he sees, while the US president looks on, apparently not amused.

Berlusconi has been on the defensive over a sex scandal that erupted last spring after his wife complained that the 72-year-old prime minister was infatuated with young women and announced she was divorcing him.

Prosecutors in the southern Italian city of Bari are investigating as a suspect in a cocaine investigation a local businessman who has said he sent some 30 young women to dinners and parties at Berlusconi’s Rome palazzo and Sardinian villa. The businessman told investigators he paid the women’s expenses and in some cases extra money in case they had sex with the prime minister.

Berlusconi was unaware of these arrangements, the businessman said. The prime minister, who is not under investigation in the scandal, has denied ever paying for sex.

At yesterday’s rally, Berlusconi also said that the cordial relationship between the US and Italy was intact. He delivered a backhanded compliment to the US president when referring to Obama’s use of a teleprompter in public speeches: “He’s not reckless like those of us who say what comes to mind. We all asked ourselves: ‘Does he know what he’s doing, or is he just someone who knows how to read well?’

“But he’s all there, in a big way, and that should make us all happy and satisfied because we need the greatest democracy, the greatest country, to be in trustworthy hands,” Berlusconi said.

Great Breeders Of The West – Fidel vs Nadia

helga — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:10:35 +0000

Hewdge’s last article concerns Cuba’s strongman and former sex symbol Fidel Castro, who has sired more than 10 children by various women on the island, and whose prowess is the subject of a new book ‘Without Fidel’ by journalist Ann Bardach.
Click here for the full story: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/6235286/Fidel-Castros-Cuba-full-of-his-offspring-after-years-of–womanising-by-El-Commandante.html
Not to be outdone by the revelations of a revolutionary, America’s own pouty-lipped producer of progeny, Nadia Sulaiman or ‘Octomom’, writes an open letter to Fidel.

Dear Fidel or ‘Faithful One’
Wow Commandante! It was fun reading about you and your ‘tribe’ of little ‘Fidelitos’. I hear Cuba has named a few cocktails in your honour – ‘Sex On The Bay Of Pigs Beach’ and ‘Cuba Libido’ immediately spring to mind…
We have so much in common! I too, am a celebrity tyrant and have a small tribe – actually, 14 offspring in total (according to my publicist)
Fidel, I need your advice: one of my volunteer nannies is a cute Cuban guy called Julio, who says I shouldn’t consider wearing my new Gap Che Guevara bikini at my next TV interview, until I get a full tummy-tuck. A tummy-tuck? How superficial!
Fidel, I know you’ve had a little surgery yourself recently, so think about it! Why should a media-star and national treasure like myself undergo a full tummy-tuck without getting breast implants, liposuction and a chemical peel? It doesn’t make sense. Are Cubans always this unreasonable?

Love,
Octomom

PS: How can I be more like you and get entire countries to donate to me?

Madame Gris-Gris Reveals Why Michael Is Happy In The Spirit World

helga — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:45:09 +0000

What a Hewdge surprise! All this time, Michael Jackson had a secret sister named JohVonnie, who, according to the news media, was an ‘outcast’ and rejected by the Jackson clan. Read the full story here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/michael-jackson/6185704/Michael-Jacksons-secret-sister-JohVonnie-Jackson-says-she-was-rejected.html

Madame Gris-Gris, Haitian Celebrity and ‘Medium to the Stars’, sits down for a rare in-depth interview with Hewdge’s editor GG Qlarq, to talk about Michael Jackson’s moving communication from beyond the grave.

GG: Madame Gris-Gris, thank you for this interview

MGG: pas de tout, cher Gi-Gi, it is I who zank you!

GG: …yes, well, moving on…

Madame Gris-Gris, you claim that during your most recent trances, Michael Jackson has been communicating with you from the spirit world…What have you learned?

MGG: Michel ‘as told me many zings…many zings…

GG: for example…?

MGG: ….oui, oui, truly incredeeble zings!…By ze way, ‘ave you read my new book, ‘Chicken Blood for ze Soul’?

GG: No. Tell me about Michael’s secret sister. How does he feel about her?

MGG: cher GiGi, Michel is ‘aving ze good amusement in ze spirit world…

GG: …and this is because….?

MGG: crazee, bitchee people are zaying zat Michel is really alive and pretending to be JohVonnie – ‘EES OWN SISTER! Ha!

GG: I’m listening….

MGG: but zat ees une idee ridicule, n’est-ce pas? Vraiment, can you imagine for one second – Michel Jackson in ze drag, pretending to be a woman?!

GG: um….wonderful to talk to you Madame….

David Beckham: Posh Pissed At ‘Idol’ Judge Choice

helga — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 06:33:39 +0000

Since the news broke that American comedienne and icon, Ellen DeGeneres has been chosen to be the permanent judge on American Idol, reactions have been flooding in, not all of them positive. Click here to read the full story: http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/ellen-degeneres-newamerican-idol-judge-1784719.html

Hewdge’s Helga Hewston takes the opportunity to interview David Beckham, perfume-pusher and devoted husband to one-time guest Idol judge, Victoria.

HH: David, how do you feel about the latest American Idol decision?

DB: I am well pissed off that me wife, an’ the muvva of me free kids, ain’t been picked te be the forf judge on Idol.

HH. Hmm….How do you think this decision came about?

DB: I fink it’s cos them Idol producers ain’t got their fingers on the pulse of the music biz. They fink they ‘ave……..but they ain’t.

HH: What does Victoria say?

DB: She gets out ‘er bottles of laxatives and asks: “Why wot’s ‘er name, fer gawd’s sake???!” She’s gutted, poor cow. ‘Ave yer tried my new perfume range?

HH: No. So how is Victoria now?

DB: You know sumfink? Me wife’s a lady froo and froo. She told me she don’t ‘old a grudge against that fat old tart…

HH. Indeed. What would you like to say to the new Idol judge, Ellen DeGeneres?

DB: I’d like te say: Look luv, if you ‘appen te find an ugly little wooden doll in yer dressing room, wiv pins stuck froo the ‘eart, don’t fink it’s sumfink to do wiv my Victoria, will yer?

HH: Have a good life, David….

Ben & Jerry’s Shows Gay Marriage Support With New Flavour Ice Cream: “Hubby Hubby”

helga — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:31:11 +0000

via Huffington Post

To show support for a new Vermont law legalizing gay marriage, the iconic ice cream maker Ben & Jerry’s has renamed its popular “Chubby Hubby” flavor. The new flavor, which Ben & Jerry’s is producing in partnership with Freedom To Marry, will be called “Hubby Hubby.”

For the next 30 days, Hubby Hubby will be available across Vermont. The product’s packaging will feature two men in tuxedos getting married. Here’s the Boston Herald:

“In the meantime, a wedding-themed Ben & Jerry’s truck will hand out free “Hubby Hubby” across Vermont today. Scheduled stops include the Vermont Capitol, where lawmakers passed a gay-marriage law that takes effect today. Ben & Jerry’s six Vermont ice cream parlors also plan to sell special “Hubby Hubby” sundaes during September.”

Read the Boston Herald’s piece here. or check out Ben & Jerry’s announcement.