Hewdge » Arts and Culture

helga — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:42:40 +0000

Paul Daniels, the television magician, stripped down to his underwear to parody one of David Beckham’s risqué adverts for Emporio Armani.

via www.telegraph.co.uk

Photo: Bauer Media

The 71-year-old adopted the provocative pose in a spoof photoshoot for the women’s magazine Closer.

The magician even copied the England footballer’s distinctive tattoos, although eagle-eyed readers may pick up on slight differences in their physiques.

“Looking at David, I thought about all the work that had gone into his six-pack and I realised how happy I am with my one-pack,” Daniels told the Daily Mail.

This is not the first time that Daniels has shed his clothes in tribute to Beckham.

David Beckham comments:

“Yeah, Victoria, me wife an’ muvver of me free kiddies, finks it’s a good larf. Sum peeple ask me wot I fink about me mate Paul lookin’ ‘andsome in the foto, an’ i tell ‘em, it’s like we got sep’rated at birf!! Ain’t it brill’yant to see wot a bit of make-up can do fer a bloke?? It’s magik! FANK YOO Paul, I luv ya!”

Pacific Island Tribe Apologises For Eating British Missionaries

helga — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:19:21 +0000

Helga Hewston, roving reporter for Hewdge, writes in from the tiny Pacific island of Erromango, now part of Vanuatu, where recently, the descendants of a British missionary have received a personal apology from the islanders, for having killed and eaten their ancestor, John Williams, as well as fellow missionary, John Harris. Read the full story here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/vanuatu/6756656/Tribe-apologises-for-eating-British-missionary.html

Recalls islander Vassie Parilongi, now a part-time dinner lady in Melbourne’s Ear, Nose & Throat hospital canteen:

The story of the two British missionaries, Williams and Harris was recounted to me as a bed-time story when I was growing up. My mother used to tell me that both men were surly, rotund creatures, who took hours to tenderize. In fact, we have a nursery rhyme she used to sing to me which, roughly translated, goes something like this:

Two fat men

Two big fires

Too much time To tenderize

Missionary man

Go home to your gods

Chicken is better

Pass the salt

The Erromango islanders, who once had a nasty habit of eating their visitors, still have their own special family recipes handed down from generation to generation. But nowadays, instead of eating people, they are strict vegans and eschew any form of animal products. Why the change? Until recently, the islanders believed their past actions had brought a curse to the tribe.

“We were happy to have the curse lifted”, the village elders stated. Asked what the curse was, they all looked at each other and started crying. The island, now a tropical paradise for tourists, was once famous for its young people developing a mysterious and unsightly skin condition, a white stripe around the neck called a ‘godimanimarki’ or ‘Missionary Collar’, upon reaching puberty.

GG Qlarq

David Beckham “Pissed Off” At Dad Who Spoke Only Klingon To Baby Son

helga — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:46:42 +0000

Our regular contributor, David Beckham, media darling, devoted ‘usband an’ farva of free’, reacts harshly this week to a recent article found on the American blog-site, the Huffington Post.

The disturbing but true story, tells of a linguist father, d’Armond Speers, who spoke to his baby son only in Klingon (’tlhIngan Hol‘ in Klingon) for the first three years of his son’s life, as a kind of linguistic experiment.

Star-Trek fans or ‘Trekkies’ will know that ‘Klingonese’ is a language spoken by the warrior race of alien beings (and on-off enemy of the Starship Federation) called the Klingons. Even though their language is an invention of Star Trek writers, it has inspired a serious world-wide cult following, as well as its own syntax and grammar rules.

Read the full HuffPo story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/19/darmond-speers-dad-spoke_n_363477.html

‘Allo ‘Ewdge Readers

I gotta tell you, me an’ me wife Victoria were well pissed off wen we ‘eard about this geezer wot ownlee spoke to ‘is kid in Klingon

Fer gawd’s sake, wot kind of poncy farva tawks to ‘is kiddie in sum poxy alien Star Trek language, wot ain’t real?

That is child abuse fer starters, innit?

An wot about the farva’s name? ‘d’Amond’ sumfink or ovva….’Ow pree-ten-shus!

Wun fing I will say is that my boys Brooklyn, Romeo an’ baby Cruz, ‘ave a muvva an’ farva wot luvs ‘em te deaf, an’ ‘oo ain’t afraid te tawk te them kiddies in proppa English.

Wun day them boys are gonna fank us for ‘ow they was brung up

The Policeman, The Crop Circle & The Blond Aliens

helga — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:23:16 +0000

A police officer contacted British UFO experts after seeing three aliens examining a freshly made crop circle near Avebury, Wiltshire.

By Alastair Jamieson via www.telegraph.co.uk

Many crop circles, including this one in May 2009, have appeared near Silbury Hill, Wiltshire

The sergeant, who has not been named, was off-duty when he saw the figures standing in a field near Silbury Hill, and stopped his car to investigate.

However, as he approached the ‘men’ – all over 6ft tall with blond hair – he heard “the sound of static electricity” and the trio ran away ”faster than any man he had ever seen”.

The officer returned to his home in Marlborough, Wiltshire, and contacted paranormal experts and told them he had spotted a UFO.

Wiltshire Police has refused to comment on the incident, saying it is a ”personal matter” for the officer involved.

Crop circle researcher Andrew Russell, who is investigating the bizarre sighting on behalf of the officer, described the moment his sighting was made.

He said: ”At first he thought they were forensic officers as they were dressed in white coveralls. He stopped his car and approached the field.

”The figures were all over 6ft and had blond hair. They seemed to be inspecting the crop. When he got to the edge of the field he heard what he believed to be a sound not dissimilar to static electricity.

”This crackling noise seemed to be running through the field and the crop was moving gently, close to where the noise was.

”He shouted to the figures who, at first, ignored him, not glancing at him. When he tried to enter the field they looked up and began running.

”He said; ‘They ran faster than any man I have ever seen. I’m no slouch but they were moving so fast. I looked away for a second and when I looked back they were gone.

”I then got scared. The noise was still around but I got an uneasy feeling and headed for the car. For the rest of the day I had a pounding headache I couldn’t shift.”

The bizarre incident occurred on the morning of July 6 this year as the police officer was driving.

The officer claims the three figures were examining a crop circle, which had appeared several days earlier, when he stopped his car and began walking towards them.

However, the mysterious beings disappeared when he ”looked away for a second” and he contacted UFO experts after witnessing other paranormal activity.

A spokesman for Wiltshire Police said: ”The police officer was apparently off duty when this happened so we have no comment to make because it is a personal not a police matter.”

Crop circle expert Colin Andrews, who investigated the incident alongside Andrew Russell, said he is ”convinced” by the police officer’s story.

He said: ”I am quite convinced the officer had an experience that day and one that we have not fully explored.

”I think with the unusual movement of the being and the poltergeist experiences there is too much additional information to say that is something in nothing.”

David Beckham Speaks Out On Healthy Clothing

helga — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:49:31 +0000

Dear Hewdge readers
The H1N1 strain of influenza is in the air. Not to alarm you of course, just our way of saying that it’s a hot topic….erm, not in a fever sense naturally, but in a ‘vaccine is ready’ sense.
Yes, everyone is talking about the newly-tested vaccine…should they or shouldn’t they take it? A big decision. What if you could wear a smart suit and thus avoid getting the virus altogether? Crazy? Not if you’re Japanese and used to wacky inventions. Read the full story of the ‘flu-suit’ below.
David Beckham, footballer and ‘varva of free’ reveals how his wife and ex-Spice girl, Victoria, loves the idea of healthy clothing and is making her own leisure-wear plans to help protect against the virus.

Jus’ let me say I fink it’s’ clevva wot them Japs ‘ave dun. They ‘ave put two fings toogevva – ‘ealth and fashun and that ain’t easy, right?
Me wife Victoria, who ain’t ‘arf as fin ‘as wot sum peeple fink, ‘as been inspired by them Jap ‘flu suits’ and is tawkin’ about makin’ a Bikini wot ‘elps peeple stay ‘ealthy.
That is me wife Victoria froo and froo..…always busy wiv trying to ‘elp uvver peeple. Wot ‘ave I dun to deserve ‘er? Really…wot ‘ave I dun? David B

A Japanese Suit That Fights Flu

helga — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 19:00:03 +0000

A Japanese company, Haruyama Trading Co., has developed a suit that it claims protects the wearer from the deadly H1N1 strain of influenza.

Julian Ryall via www.telegraph.co.uk

The anti-flu suit which is on sale in Japan

The company has produced 50,000 of the suits and will start selling them on Thursday, according to a company spokesman.

The suit is coated with the chemical titanium dioxide, which reacts to light to break down and kill the virus when it comes into contact with it, according to Junko Hirohata. The chemical is a common ingredient in toothpaste and cosmetics.

The suit – which is indistinguishable from any other worn by Japan’s legion of “salarymen” – comes in four colours and styles, which are medium grey, charcoal, navy and a grey pinstripe. It will go on sale for about £365.

The company said it spent a year developing the suit, which retains its properties even after being washed numerous times.

Japan has been gripped by swine flu fear since the global outbreak began a year ago, with the World Health Organisation confirming more than 340,000 cases worldwide and around 4,100 deaths.

A seven-year-old boy became the latest victim in Japan on Sept 22, the youngest and 18th fatality from the disease here.

In the same week, medical institutions across the country reported treating 23,275 cases of influenza, the majority with the new H1N1 strain. Most of the new cases were reported in urban areas, where population density increases the risk of transmission

Ben & Jerry’s Shows Gay Marriage Support With New Flavour Ice Cream: “Hubby Hubby”

helga — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:31:11 +0000

via Huffington Post

To show support for a new Vermont law legalizing gay marriage, the iconic ice cream maker Ben & Jerry’s has renamed its popular “Chubby Hubby” flavor. The new flavor, which Ben & Jerry’s is producing in partnership with Freedom To Marry, will be called “Hubby Hubby.”

For the next 30 days, Hubby Hubby will be available across Vermont. The product’s packaging will feature two men in tuxedos getting married. Here’s the Boston Herald:

“In the meantime, a wedding-themed Ben & Jerry’s truck will hand out free “Hubby Hubby” across Vermont today. Scheduled stops include the Vermont Capitol, where lawmakers passed a gay-marriage law that takes effect today. Ben & Jerry’s six Vermont ice cream parlors also plan to sell special “Hubby Hubby” sundaes during September.”

Read the Boston Herald’s piece here. or check out Ben & Jerry’s announcement.

Snoop Dogg On Life, Love And Lebanon

helga — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 10:37:28 +0000

Bad-Boy Rapper "keepin' it real"

Snoop Dogg, America’s favourite hip-hop superstar, award-nominated rapper, record producer and actor, is in Lebanon for his debut concert at the Forum de Beyrouth.

Snoop Dogg, who grew up in a tough Californian neighbourhood, or ‘hood’, is known for his bad-boy lyrics or ‘gangsta’ rap. He also popularized the slang term and catch phrase suffix “izzle”, as in a television show he hosted called: Doggy Fizzle Televizzle.

Before his appearance in front of thousands of devoted fans, Helga Hewston, reporter with HEWDGE, Beirut’s leading blogsite, was allowed an exclusive interview with Snoop to talk about love, life and Lebanon.

HH: Pleasure to meet you Snoop… Or do you prefer Mr Dogg?

SD: Hey bitch, fo’ shizzle dizzle, its the big neptizzle with the snoopy d-o double gizzle!

HH: Well, um, just let me translate that for our Hewdge readers. Snoop is actually saying:

“Hello my dear. Absolutely you can call me Snoop Dogg”

Now Snoop, what are your first impressions of Beirut?

SD: Helga baby, Beirut is THE place, you know what I’m sayin’? They don’t make no bigger party place….this is IT, this is happenin’, you know what I mean, bitch?

HH: ……So anyway….. what message would you pass on to all your adoring fans in Lebanon?

SD: Fo’shizzle, ain’t nothing to it, but to do it! Have you seen my doggumentary y’all?

HH. No

SD: What do you wanna know, baby? I dont wanna go back to the streets selling drugs or shootin’ no people, you know what I’m saying?

HH: Um, absolutely. Is there a future Mrs Dogg in the pipeline….a female Dogg…a Bitch, in fact ?

SD: Fo’shizzle, baby! My Beirut trip has in-spired me to write a love song to my bitch back in the hood, know what I’m sayin?

HH: Can we hear it? Do-You-Know-What-I-Am-Saying?

SD: Yo, Helga! Ain’t nothing to it, but do it…..

(At this point Snoop starts rapping)

Yeah man, this is another Beirut classic
We wanna dedicate this one, to all the fellas
who got a hardhead bitch, who just won’t listen
Y’know? The best thing to do, is leave her
Don’t hit her, shake that ho (bitch I’m gone!)

Bitch I’m gone.. oh yeah bitch I’m, oh I, I got to get the, hell outta here
I can’t get through to you
I can’t get through to you, you talk too much, I can’t tell you shit
Bitch, I’m gone.. oh yeah I’m goin’ I got to get out
I’m through wit’chu
Oh yeah, I’m through wit’chu bitch, yeah yeah

HH: It’s hard not to feel the love, Snoop……