Category Archives: Opinion

Death Of Guru Sai Baba Creates Financial Vacuum

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sai_babaThe death of a charismatic Indian guru, Sathya Sai Baba, who built up a worldwide following of up to 50 million people, has triggered an unholy scramble for control of his £5.5 billion empire. (click here to read more: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/8471134/Sathya-Sai-Babas-death-triggers-fight-for-his-5.5-billion-empire.ht

Below, well known Indian guru, Swami Ramdev Yadav, pays tribute to the enigmatic Sathya Sai Baba with an open letter to Hewdge.

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Namaste

It is with very regret and heaviness at heart that I am relating the deathly news of Sathya Sai Baba – a holiest guru and a manly man who was a beloved to many worshiping and sometimes celebrity peoples.
Yet, at this very current moment, the news is being so full of dastardly stories of Sai Baba that I am not believing my own very eyes and ears!
Rapscallion reporters are delighting to spread untruthfulness about Sai Baba and in particularly, his dalliances with many lovely boys. But this I am knowing absolutely: no such naughtiness was occurring in his ashram! This is shamefully gossip! Sai Baba was humble, and truthfully a holy man who was not just for thinking of riches. No, it is the OPPOSITE!!  Sai Baba on very much occasions was giving money and gold to others. In fact, his own billions in a Swiss banks was having no meaning to this very saint!

Since his present incarnation is no longer, I am freely to offer Sai Baba’s devotees my expertise of much financial techniques. Especially, I am full of happiness to take over Sai Baba’s gigantic empire. Like this humble of man, riches have no meaning for me also when I am flying by my private jet to the Swiss.

Namaste
Swami Ramdev

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Is Sir Elton John Too Old And Too Gay To Adopt?

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25E72236-9C8F-B13B-E31E7B3ED4EAB8D9Sir Elton John, short, flamboyant superstar and devoted husband to Canadian film maker David Furnish, is disappointed that his initial bid to adopt a Ukrainian infant has been rejected. Click here to read the full story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/14/elton-john-deemed-too-old_n_285667.html
Hewdge has taken this opportunity to publish three letters to Elton (from Tom Cruise, Madame Gris-Gris – Medium to the stars, and Octomom), highlighting the quagmire that is celebrity adoption.

Dear Elton
Regarding your attempt to adopt a Ukrainian infant, I have to agree with the minister for Family, Youth and Sports, Mr Yuriy Pavlenko, who thinks you’re too old and too gay.
Elton, have you thought about how that poor little Ukrainian infant will turn out, with you and your ‘same-sex partner’, mincing round that huge mansion, being fed Advil every time a tooth comes through? Pain-killers are of course, DISGUSTING! We Scientologists have to ask: How can you and your gay lover be positive role models to that innocent child, if you insist on giving him over-the-counter medication?

Yours,
Tom Cruise

Mon Cher Elton
During my last séance with Michael, he instructed me to contact you toute suite. ’Call my little fag friend Elton,’ he wailed, ‘and tell him if he really wants a child, to get  together with Debbie Rowe…she is free at last, free at last!’
Strange, haunting words, Elton, but who are we to understand those who have passed on to the spirit world?
By the way, I take private bookings and will be in the UK from September to November.

A Bientot,
Madame Gris-gris

Dear Sir Elton
We’ve never met, but I have been a fan of yours since I was little. Now I have kids of my own – 14 in fact, and I’m looking for a good home for some of the latest batch. I think you and your partner David would make ideal parents. Can you take 5 or 6? This would help pay for liposuction on my upper thighs

Hoping to hear from you,
Octomom

PS: I only use one name for those kids, because they all look alike

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Cardinal Defends Italian Prime Minister’s Decision To Sue Call Girl

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berluscDear Readers
Hewdge is sometimes the only true sanctuary that a person of consequence might flee to when avoiding the savage glare of the international media spotlight. In the case of Italy’s prime minister, Sylvio Berlusconi, who has been accused of sleeping with prostitutes and even of being a sex addict, the Italian press has rendered him the object of amusement among Roman matrons and the butt of tasteless Viagra jokes worldwide. Click here for the full story: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/6174403/Silvio-Berlusconi-threatens-to-sue-call-girl.html
However, the promiscuous prime minister does have loyal friends who are ready to support his decision to sue Patrizia D’Addario, a woman who claims that Mr Berlusconi slept with her on a number of occasions for money. One such ally is Roman Catholic Cardinal Gustavo Porchi, Sylvio Berlusconi’s boyhood friend. Hewdge publishes the Cardinal’s open letter, in the hope that the Italian media might pause to consider the damaging impact of its political witch-hunt.


Open letter from Cardnal Gustavo Porchi:

I wish to publicly defend my dear friend and prime minister, Mr Sylvio Berlusconi, against this blatant smear campaign orchestrated by the Italian and international press.
Mr Berlusconi’s private life is his own and he should not have to defend against hearsay, or rather – ‘whore-say’ , from that little tart, Patrizia D’Addario, who is the very worst kind of creature that God ever put on this earth. Why, at night I have heard Sylvio crying, crying into his pillow because of the damage to his reputation! That PUTANESCA is going to burn in the devil’s hell fires for her wickedness!!

At least I am grateful for one thing, that Mama Berlusconi (God rest her soul!) is not here to see her little Sylvio being branded as a common sex addict. I fervently pray that the press allows our prime minister to get on with the serious business of running the country, but should his enemies continue hounding him, we have excellent lawyers permanently on call at the Vatican who are deft at defending against trumped-up allegations in matters of the flesh, if you know what I mean….

For my part, I will immediately cross out that whore’s telephone number from my piccolo libro nero, recite ten Hail Marys, and flagellate myself until my pizza arrives.

May God Bless You And Keep You,
ex toto corde paenitet me,

Cardinal Gustavo Porchi

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‘Left-Behind’ Pet Article Sparks Debate Among Evangelists

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By GG Qlarq

foreclosurepets-abandonedThe Hewdge article about a group of atheist animal lovers, who for a fee, promise to look after any ‘left-behind’ pets, after their Christian owners have been taken up to heaven or “raptured”, has sparked a firestorm of debate among our evangelical readers

The article, posted on Saturday, features the American website: http://www.eternal-earthbound-pets.com

To follow, a few of the letters Hewdge has received.

What the hell kind of fag blog-site are you running anyway? Jesus!!! Who the hell is interested in Eternal Earthbound-Pets services, fer chrissakes?! As a hetero-practicing Christian, who is due to be paroled next month, why in hell would I let a commie-liberal-nancy-atheist take care of my best friend?”
F**k that website…..Hewdge mistake! Amen
BIG JOHN McGRAF, Birmingham, Alabama

I think Eternal Earthbound Pets is a wonderful idea and I believe God will forgive those atheists (in some small measure) for their good works.  I have already signed up Ginger for the scheme, because I’m worried he might get stuck up a tree when I’m not around
ROSETTA STOWNE, Prioria, Illinois

I’m not sure about this scheme  – can we Christians really trust people like atheists to be honest and look after our beloved pets when we’re sitting at God’s right hand? After all, these people are self-confessed sinners. I think I would rather leave my pet with the Confucians up the road (as long as Mr Kim Yeong and his family promise not to cook and eat my little Bobby in a curry after I’ve gone)
JEREMIAH QUINTIN BELL lll, Jacksonville, Florida

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